The Aangover
by iEaTNekkozzz
Summary: Aang, Sokka, Jet, and Zuko hit Ember Island for a bachelor's party. They have the night of their lives but the next morning is a horrible, horrible disaster. Based off of The Hangover. Rated M for language. DISCONTINUED. Author's Note inside.
1. Him, Him, Him, Him Equals Them

GRAWR! I LIVE! And I'm back with a new fandom! Avatar: The Last Airbender! :D So here's how it happened. I was getting hyped about M. Night Shyamalan's movie Avatar: The Last Airbender (which is terrible, btw) and decided to re-watch the series for old times sake. Both my sister and I became obsessed with it and A:TLA kicked Bleach right off its pedestal (though my profile doesn't say so...). So here it is. The names rhyme. I know you saw this coming. (I don't own A:TLA)

**The Aangover**

Chapter 1: Him, Him, Him, Him = Them

_"Hey, you've reached Avatar Aang. I'm probably off saving the world or Momo took my cell phone again or Appa ate it and I had to wait 6-8 hours for it... You know what, just leave a message." -BEEP!-_

_"Hi! Sokka here! Well, not really, since I couldn't answer my phone. Anyways, leave a message and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can." -BEEP!-_

_"Heeey, what's up?" _"Oh, thank God! Where are-" _"SIKE! Leave a message, but don't text me. That's gay." -BEEP!- _"DAMMIT, JET!"

_"Hello, you've reached Prince Zuko, son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai, heir to the throne. Leave a message and if it's important enough, I'll call you back." -BEEP!-_

Toph sighed with extreme anxiety as she sat in front of a large vanity. Her make up and hair was already done and gorgeous; her bridesmaids were preparing her dress. A cell phone was clutched in her small pale hands as she desperately prayed for it to ring. "Where are you guys...?"

"Toph, I'm sure they'll call back." Poppy assured her daughter with the eleventh pat on the back in ten minutes. She shot a look at Lao, who was sitting on the couch with some papers to read. The look said, _'Say something for her.'_

"Don't worry, Toph, dear. You know... Ember Island." Lao sighed contently, fondly remembering his younger years.

Toph was about to say something to counter her parents' words when her phone's ringtone went off. She opened it immediately and answered, "Hello?"

_"Toph?" _Toph instantly recognized this voice as Jet's.

"Jet, where the hell are you guys?" Toph demanded, shooting to her feet. "I'm freaking out."

_"Uh, well, shit happened here in Ember Island and..." he sighed. "We... We lost Aang."_

"What? No! We're getting married in five hours!" she shrieked, panic surging through her veins.

_"Yeah, um... That's not going to happen."_

**Two Days Earlier**

Aang and Sokka were in the Bei Fong family's study room, looking absolutely spiffy. They were trying on their handmade robes for the wedding. A servant was measuring the both of them to make sure that the robes were as comfy and presentable as possible.

Sokka yelped. "Watch it, old man! That's my penis, you pervert!"

Aang sighed as he examined himself in the mirror. "Relax, Sokka, he's just measuring your inseam."

Having apparently finished his work, the servant nodded at the two, gathered his belongings, and walked off. Sokka approached the mirror and began to strip himself of his robes. He only had his shirt off when he turned to face the young Avatar with a long face. "Look, Aang, if you guys want to go to Ember Island without me, you know, it's fine. I totally understand."

"What? Why would you say that?" Aang inquired, still fully clothed. (A/N: I feel like I'm writing a lemon. xD)

"Well, you and your buddies... I feel like you guys are gonna be holding back, you know? Cuz the bride's best friend is there, and... I just want you guys to enjoy yourselves, that's all." Sokka explained, removing his trousers.

"Aw, Sokka, you know it's not-" Aang's words stopped dead in their tracks when he saw Sokka's underpants. It was a normal loincloth, except the fabric got rolled up, revealing his tannish asscheeks. Aang's look of permanent scarring remained on his face even when Sokka turned around again. Once he regained his composure, Aang told him, "It's not like that. Zuko and Jet? Those two love you! Besides, like you said, you're Toph's best friend. It's important that my friends and I get to know you too." Sokka wore an unconvinced look. Aang continued, "Look, it's completely fine. More than fine, actually. In fact, I'll be really upset if you decide not to come."

Slowly, the water tribe boy smiled. He pulled Aang into a tight embrace and exclaimed, "Thanks, Aang! You're a real pal!"

Aang chuckled nervously at the awkwardness and hesitantly pat the half-naked man's back. "Ehehe... You too, Sokka."

"Mr. Avatar, Master Bei Fong wishes to see you." said a random servant that popped in on the two's moment.

"Oh, sure. Let's go, Sokka. It's probably about our ride." Aang said, picking up his luggage and following the servant out. Sokka (who quickly dressed) gathered his things and ran after the two, who were already long gone.

* * *

"Aw, Master Bei Fong, I can't possibly take this..." Aang told him. Appa was snoozing in front of the Bei Fong palace, enjoying the feel of the luxurious leather saddle on his back. It was a rich black and jewel-encrusted (emeralds and green and white topazes) beauty. An antique trunk was in the back to complete the saddle's look.

"It's not yours to keep, of course, but I'm allowing you to ride to Ember Island in style." Lao nodded. "This saddle was used by my ancestors when they first discovered badger moles, the world's first Earthbenders. It's a great treasure of the Bei Fong family and I insist that you use it."

Aang smiled brightly. "Thank you, Master Bei Fong."

"Hey, you're marrying my only daughter." he winked. "Call me Dad."

"Dad." Aang chuckled. He let his hand glide over the saddle as Lao explained, "As I said before, this saddle is one of the Bei Fong family's greatest treasures. Please... make sure Sokka doesn't wreck it. There's something wrong with that young man..." he trailed as the two looked over at Sokka. He had his space sword out and was fighting an enemy named Topiary. He fought fiercely and even included sound effects before the tables suddenly turned. The sword got stuck in the Topiary and Sokka got several jabs in the chest as he attempted to pull it out.

"Okay, sir. I'll be sure to watch out for it." Aang nodded.

"And, one more thing. Don't let Jet wreck it either." Lao hushed his tone so that only Aang could hear him. "I don't really like him."

The young Avatar smiled. "I'll be the only one taking care of this saddle."

"Ahaha. Good. Oh, and one more thing." Lao looked at Aang seriously. This look was quickly dissolved by a clever wink and a small smirk. "What happens in Ember Island stays in Ember Island."

"Oho, I got you, sir." he laughed. "Thank you for the saddle."

x-x-x-x

Jet sighed as he examined the movements of his sparring students. He taught at a martial arts school and specialized in the art of hook swords. The fact that his students had barely learned anything disappointed him deeply. Being a master like himself, seeing such rookies was a bit irritating.

Thankfully, the gong rang, signifying the end of class. Jet clapped his hands and shouted, "All right, guys! That's enough for today! Don't forget to hand in 20 gold pieces as an extra enrollment fee!"

Jet stood by the exit, collecting the money from the students that haven't paid yet. As soon as the dojo was empty, he counted all of his money with smirk. "That should be enough for Ember Island."

Suddenly, he heard a familiar bison's growl from outside of the school. Jet made sure that he was equipped with all of his belongings before running out of the school.

Outside, Sokka and Aang were waiting patiently on Appa. Sokka kept looking at the building across from the school with frantic eyes. Finally, Aang sighed and looked at the building; it was a poetry house. He looked back at Sokka. "What's wrong? It's just a poetry house."

"You don't get it." Sokka whimpered. He then spoke in a voice that only Aang could hear. "I am terrified of poetry houses."

Aang rose a brow. "...What?"

"Not really the building itself as much as the people _in _it." he clarified. Aang just didn't respond that time.

"Master, about the flying kick-" one child approached Jet when suddenly, he pushed him aside.

"Sorry, Sungmin, it's the weekend! I do not know you, you do not exist to me!" Jet said in a rush, waving his arms over his head. He jumped onto Appa's newly acquired saddle, much to Aang's dislike. "Holy shit, look at this thing! Very fancy, Mr. Aang Avatar Bei Fong!"

"Jet, don't step on the saddle with your filthy shoes! Take them off!" Aang demanded.

"Yeah, Master Bei Fong's gonna get really mad." Sokka laughed. "You won't like him when he's mad. Trust me. I don't like him when he's mad, and I like everybody!"

Jet's eyebrows furrowed into a confused look. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"I'm Sokka, Toph's best friend." he said, upset that Jet forgot him. "I met you, like, four times."

"Oh, right. How's it going, man?"

x-x-x-x

"Don't forget your Mederma."

"Mederma, check."

"Don't forget to _use _your Mederma. Seriously, you have to get that thing _off_ your face, scars are so unattractive."

Zuko twitched slightly, but still said, "Use Mederma, check."

After making sure that all of his essentials were neatly packed, Zuko zipped his bag and went to join Katara on the couch. She was sipping some green tea. Zuko attempted to give her a big kiss on the cheek when she backed away. Zuko rose an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." she sighed. "I just don't want you guys going to some strip club while you're gone."

"We're going to Kyoshi Island, there aren't any strip clubs there." Zuko told her. He added, "Besides, this show is rated TV-Y7. They can't even show blood here."

Katara glared at him sternly. "But this fanfic is rated M. This crazy authoress can do whatever the fuck she wants. Kyoshi Island or not, there will be a strip club. I just know Jet will find one." she set her tea down and looked at Zuko seriously. "And the worst part is... that little girl? Grinding and dry-humping the fucking stage? That's somebody's daughter!"

"That's somebody's daughter! I was just about to say that." Zuko lied.

Katara smiled. "See? I just wish your friends could be as mature as you are."

"They are mature. You just have to get to know them better. Because deep down inside-"

"Summoning Fire Lord Faggot!" shouted a voice that the two immediately recognized as Jet. Katara sighed and Zuko stiffened. "Fire Lord Faggot!"

"I... should probably get going." Zuko said, gathering his things.

Katara nodded. "That's a good idea, Fire Lord Faggot."

Zuko laughed stiffly. "Have a good weekend. I'll miss you." he tried to kiss her, but she again moved away so he settled for kissing her shoulder. With that, he grabbed his things and exited the house.

* * *

"Whoa, look at the view." commented Aang as they flew over Ba Sing Se.

"I hate this place. It's nothing but a prison." Zuko murmured.

"Oh, lighten up, Lee. We've had pretty good memories here, eh?" Jet reminded him, jabbing his side with his elbow.

"No." Zuko answered promptly.

"Say, Jet, how come you always call him Lee?" Aang inquired.

Zuko glared at Jet as he scratched the back of his head with a nervous chuckle. "It's a... long story, Aang..."

"Wait, what _memories?_" Zuko demanded. "You were brainwashed."

"And didn't you _die_?" Sokka asked, backing up a little.

Jet laughed. "Well, Zuko, I was able to remember some of my days in Ba Sing Se, mind you. And as for that whole dying thing? Yeah. Mike and Bryan decided that I had enough fangirls to still be alive. That's why at the dojo, I not only specialize in hook swords, but I also teach my students how to be cool and badass enough to come back to life." (A/N: Jet lives, dammit!)

"Not everyone can pull that off." Aang murmured.

"Ugh, tell me about it." Jet groaned.

"Whoo!" Sokka screamed, suddenly jumping to his feet. He waved his arms giddily and shouted, "Sky trip!"

As they neared Ba Sing Se's wall, Sokka screamed at one of the men, "Ember Island, baby! EMBER FUCKING ISLAND!"

The man scoffed in disgust before rudely flipping him off. Offended, Sokka sat back down. Jet laughed and pat his back before looking at Aang. "Come on, let me steer!"

"No. I promised Master Bei Fong that I'd get this saddle back to him in one piece."

"Oh, relax. We're flying Appa here. How am I supposed to mess up the saddle?"

"You could spill your firewhiskey on it."

"Who knows, maybe I'm doing that right now." Jet smirked.

Aang turned with a panicked expression. "You are?"

Suddenly, Appa crashed into a couple of trees, due to Aang taking his eyes off the route.

"Whoa!" Aang shouted, worry flooding his brain. Sokka and Jet were laughing their asses off while Zuko concealed a snicker or two.

"That was awesome!" Sokka grinned.

"No, that was not awesome! We almost died!" Aang shrieked. He pat Appa's head. "Appa, are you okay?"

He got a groan in return.

"Let me steer, Aang. Appa'll be safe if I do." Jet insisted. Aang didn't answer. "Come on! I had to leave my wife and kid just to be here! Do you know how hard that was?"

"I never thought I'd hear you of all people say something so sincere." Zuko said.

"Zuko, that was sarcasm. I fucking hate my life." Jet groaned, falling onto his back. "Ty Lee's hot and all, pretty crazy in bed-" (A/N: Oh, yes, TyJet. Crack ftw)

"I don't need to hear this!" Aang screamed.

"Yes, you do, you're getting married!" Jet shouted at him.

"I am surrounded by idiots!" Zuko complained, covering his ears.

"Will you tell me?" Sokka asked Jet.

Jet stared at him. "...No, man."

"Aww."

"I'm stopping here before I puke on Appa." Aang muttered as they landed in front of a convenience store (or the equivalent of a convenience store in A:TLA). Everyone got off except Sokka. "You're gonna stay here? Don't you need anything?"

"No, I'm good. Just get me a meat bun?"

"No problem." Aang said as he walked into the store.

Jet met with him at the door. "Sokka's... a bit strange. Should we be worried?"

"What? No, he's harmless." Aang explained, picking up some firewhiskey and vodka.

"No, I mean, is he all there? You know, mentally?" Jet asked before grabbing some Earth Crisps for himself. (A/N: I am terrible at food product names. Dx)

"Yeah, yeah, he's just a little weird." he told him as he got Sokka's meat bun. "Funny, but weird. Though Toph did say that we shouldn't let him gamble or drink too much."

Jet snorted as they approached the counter. "Damn. I didn't know people could come with instructions and shit."

"And one water." Zuko said, adding his water bottle to the things they were buying.

Aang looked at him. "How are things with Katara?"

"Pretty good. I just told her we're two hours away from Kyoshi Island and she totally bought it." Zuko held his cell phone up, proud of his lying skills.

Jet sighed loudly. "Don't you think it's weird that you've been in a relationship with Katara for three years and you still have to lie about Ember Island?"

Zuko shrugged. "Yeah, but trust me, it's not worth the fight."

"Oh, okay. So you can't go to Ember Island, but..." Jet cleared his throat and turned to face Zuko fully. "she can fuck a waiter at my wedding?"

Zuko sighed. "Okay, first of all, it was a bartender. And second, she was completely wasted! And if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."

Jet scoffed. "You believe that?"

"Uh, yeah. I know because she's grossed out by semen." Zuko stated matter-of-factly.

"That'll be 32 silver pieces." said the clerk, who was a bit disturbed by their conversation.

"Why don't you cover that, Mr. Fire Lord." Jet said before leaving him and Aang. Zuko sighed and took out his wallet.

* * *

The four were on the road, er, sky again and Sokka was reading something. It was labeled, _The Worl'd Greatest Blackjack Book. _"It says here that we should work in teams. Who wants to be with me?"

"Uhh, Sokka, maybe you shouldn't gamble too much while we're there." Aang said.

"It's not gambling if you know you're gonna win." Sokka insisted. "Counting cards is a fool-proof system."

"It's also illegal." Zuko stated.

"It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon, like... jizzing in the Fire Lord's garden." Sokka said. Zuko's face contorted into a look of disgust and fear.

Jet laughed. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."

"And anyway, you have to be super smart to count cards." Aang added.

"Nope. King Bumi had a casino bankrupt when he counted cards and he was batshit insane and retarded. How else do you think he became a king?" (A/N: No harsh feelings toward Bumi! I think he's cool!)

Zuko stared at him. "Because he's a fucking king, moron."

"Well, I guess that's what his 10,000 gold pieces said." Sokka shrugged.

* * *

Haha, yes. First chapter = done. Please review if you liked it! :D


	2. A Night We Will Never Forget

Allllll righty. :D Okay, so when I typed up the first chapter, I had my cousin's copy of The Hangover and whenever I forgot the tiniest detail, I'd stick the DVD into a player and just watch that part. Dx I'm too lazy to do that right now. So I'm going by memory. If I have something wrong, forgive me... I'm trying not to have this fic too similar to the movie but I'm also trying to keep it as accurate as possible. So... yeah.

Also, if you've seen The Hangover, you know how Zutara will end. Sorry. D: Don't flame because of that please... Well, don't let me stop you, actually. I mean, if it's a polite flame or a light complaint (i.e: "Aww, meanie, Zutara's my favorite couple!") then I shall message you with a 1,000 word apology (not really... but I will apologize. :D). But if you go batshit insane on me and rant rant rant, I could care less. I like Maiko, okay? So it should be fine. (Besides, there's too much Zutara in this world already... - -")

Okay, I don't own A:TLA so let's party.

**The Aangover**

Chapter 2: A Night We Will Never Forget

Aang and the guys flew over Ember Island, taking in the sights. The beach was beautiful. While Aang kept his eyes on the road, Sokka stared at the sand with awe, dreaming up the creations he would... create. Zuko was looking for a shady spot he could lounge in, out of sight but still in the minds of fangirls (he liked his fangirls as long as they stuck to mindlessly worshipping him. "No touching, please."). Jet, however, was gawking at all of the ass on the beach. Night or day, girls were always there, eh? Oh, a fun time this would be indeed.

"What hotel are we staying at?" Aang asked Zuko, who had reserved their rooms and such.

"Oh, Qipao Palace." he responded before looking back down at the buildings. He cringed a little upon seeing Ember Island Theater.

"This place is amazing." Jet commented.

"Don't say that yet," Aang smiled. "We have yet to explore."

x-x-x-x

"Wow... nice call with the hotel, Zuko." Jet remarked, lightly punching the guy's shoulder. Qipao Palace was huge. It was the best hotel on Ember Island, rated four stars. It was basically Avatar's Caesar's Palace.

Zuko made a small smile before approaching the girl at the counter. "Uh, hello, I have a reservation under..." he quickly muttered the next part, "Fire Lord Zuko."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that, sir?" she asked.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, Fire Lord Zuko."

Jet walked toward him with an amused expression. "_Fire Lord Zuko? _Are you serious? That's so cute, you're pretending to be Fire Lord."

Zuko looked at the girl, who was resisting the urge to smile. "Heh heh. I'm not pretending if it's true."

"Don't listen to him, he's just a banished prince." Jet said.

"Ahem, okay, so that reservation?" the prince pushed him away.

"Yes, I have a room with two bedrooms on the 12th floor. Is that good, sir?"

"Yes. Yes, that's perfect." he nodded.

"Whoa, what?" Jet asked. "_Two _bedrooms?"

"If we're bunking, I call staying in Jet's bed." Sokka said. Jet looked at him oddly while Zuko and Aang chuckled.

"Okay, no! We are not bunking because we are not twelve-year-olds!" the Freedom Fighter roared. Aang coughed. Jet looked at him and said, "Hey, you're not twelve. You're _a hundred _and twelve. Okay? Even more reason why we need our own beds."

"We're not even gonna be in the room. Why does it matter?" Zuko complained, knowing that the money for whatever Jet wanted would be coming from his wallet.

"I'm sorry..." Jet paused to look at her name tag. "Sarah. Do you have any villas open?"

"Um, let me see..." she typed a few things in on her computer and then looked up at the men. "Yes, we have one on the ninth floor and it's 4200 gold pieces a night. Is that okay?"

"Yes, now _that_ is perfect." Jet laughed.

Zuko lightly punched his shoulder. "I hope you don't expect me to pay for that."

"Oh, come on, _Fire Lord. _You have money, don't you?" he said, 'conveniently' not telling them that he stole money from his students at the dojo.

Aang sighed as he reluctantly pulled out his wallet. "We'll split it, Zuko."

"No, man, this is your special day." Jet said, patting the young Avatar's back. "We got it."

"I think you mean _I _got it." Zuko murmured, still upset.

"...Of course, I can get you a discount if Jet and Zuko made out passionately on the ground." Sarah said in a rush.

The four men gawked at her, Jet and Zuko with the biggest eyes. "WHAT?"

"With your shirts off?" she beamed hopefully.

"What the fuck is this?" Jet roared.

"Oh Agni. Are you... Are you a fangirl?" Zuko asked cautiously.

"What?" she asked, covering her fangirlism badly.

Suddenly, another woman (who looked more official) came in with two body guards. "That's her. Please remove her from the premises immediately."

"Yes ma'am."

As they crated her away, she screamed, "I love you, Jet! I love you, Zuko! You guys are so HAWT, I can't believe I actually met you, I'll NEVER forget this..."

The woman that just entered cleared her throat and stood at the desk. "I'm so sorry about that. Lately there's been an odd amount of fangirl break outs and we're doing our best to keep things under control. Now, how may I help you?"

Jet, still disturbed by the previous girl's wishes, stated carefully, "We want to rent a villa..."

"Oh, all right. There's an open one on the ninth floor and it's 4200 gold pieces a night."

"Okay, Fire Lord Faggot, do your thing." Jet said, poking the man's shoulder.

He glared at him. "I... can't."

"Come on, can't you do this for your buddy Aang?" he insisted, pulling Aang over. Jet wanted him to do the puppy dog eyes he did so well, but he didn't like making Zuko feel guilty.

"You don't get it. Katara checks my statements." Zuko murmured.

Jet stared at him. "I'm beginning to wonder who the man in your relationship is."

Zuko pushed past him and looked at the lady. In a hushed tone, he asked, "Look, if I _do _kiss Jet, will I get that discount?"

"WHAT THE FU-" Jet's face turned green.

"Zuko, please don't! I'd rather pay for it than see that!" Aang pleaded.

Sokka just laughed. "Hahaha! Sexual favors in exchange for something else; classic."

The lady rose a brow. "I'm sorry, sir, we only accept money here."

"P...pfft. I knew that. Of course I did." he reluctantly handed her his credit card. "Damn... Katara's gonna kill me."

"Nut up or shut up." Jet pat his back hard after regaining his composure.

x-x-x-x

When the boys entered their room, their jaws dropped. The villa was huge and amazing; no other two words could describe it better. Except for maybe enormous and dazzling. Anyways, Aang stared at everything in awe. "Oh man... Thanks guys. Or should I say, 'Thanks, Zuko'?"

"Aww, you're welcome, Aang." Zuko answered as he checked out the bar. "It's only because I love you."

"All right, ladies, pick a room and get changed." Jet smirked as he stood in front of the full-view window. (A/N: What's the name of these things? 3:) "Tonight, we destroy this city."

Sokka poked his shoulder. "Lit-literally? Cuz I left my boomerang at home..."

"Not literally, dumbass."

Zuko entered a nice, empty bedroom in the villa. When he got a good view of the whole room, he decided that he had claimed the best one. In the center was a large queen-sized bed and across from that was a flat screen TV hanging on the wall. To the right of the bed was a huge window where he could see the entire beautiful city. On the left was a door. Zuko grabbed a pair of decorative dao swords off the wall and approached it cautiously. What if there were more fangirls in there? He had to be careful. Wielding the swords like an expert, he kicked the door open and stabbed his roll of toilet paper. Looking around, he realized it was an empty but pretty bathroom. He set his weapons to the side. All clear.

Suddenly, Zuko took a battle stance. _Holy crap... what if the room's bugged?_

Oh yes. Zuko's paranoia served him well.

x-x-x-x

"Yeah. Oh, no. No." Zuko was on his cell phone, talking to Katara. He had just gotten out of the shower, so he wasn't fully dressed. (A/N: Yes. Shirtless Zuko = Yummy mind candy for you all. Because I love you.) "No, it's quiet here. Quiet, yet still so wonderful. The people here are still so nice. ...Yes, I'll remember to apologize to the warriors for nearly burning Kyoshi down. ...The hotels are beautiful! You of all people would love them. There's no TVs, no phones. Just these cute little Avatar Kyoshi trinkets."

Suddenly, Jet and Aang (both very well dressed) entered the room, Jet a bit more impatiently. He tapped his watch and Zuko got the message. "Uh, listen, we have to go. We're going to, uh... see an Unagi show. Yeah, they tamed it and taught it to do flips and stuff. ...Yeah. Okay. ...No. All right. I love you~ No? Okay. Baii~"

Jet, who had made himself comfy on Zuko's bed, gave him a look. "That was so embarrassing I don't even know what to say."

"Then shut up." he said, shrugging on a shirt. He approached the dresser as he asked, "Where's Sokka?"

"He said he had to get some stuff but he'll meet us downstairs." Aang explained. He leaned closer to see what Zuko brought back from his dresser. "What's that?"

"What do you think?" he said, opening the small black box. It was a Fire Nation betrothal necklace.

"I say if that's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake." Jet said. "Isn't that Ursa's?"

"Yeah. I thought it would be special if I proposed to Katara with my mother's necklace." Zuko smiled, already dreaming.

"Dude. If Ursa were here right now, she would slap you so hard that you'd have a scar on your other eye too." Jet warned him. "How could you even _think_of marrying Katara?"

"Well, we've been dating for three years now..."

"No, okay? No. You've been the bitch's bitch for three years now."

"Hey, calm down, Jet." Aang scolded. "That's Zuko's fiancee you're talking about."

"Whatever." Jet murmured, getting off the bed. Let's hit this city!"

* * *

-insert cool music here-

Jet and the guys were on their way down, looking excruciatingly hot. On the way to the elevator, they ran into Sokka. Aang rose a brow. "I thought we were going to meet you downstairs?"

"Yeah, well I found this awesome place we just have to go to before we hit the city."

Jet eyed his manpurse with disgust. "Okay, are you seriously going to wear that, or are you just fucking with me?"

"What?" Sokka asked innocently.

"Dude, what's with the manpurse?"

"Oh, this?" he lifted his bag. "First of all, it's not a manpurse, it's a satchel. And I got this when I first met Toph at Earth Rumble 6, so it's very important to me. Plus, I get a lot of compliments for it."

"...Whatever." Jet murmured as the elevator opened. They all stepped in and he asked, "Where to?"

"The roof."

"...What?"

x-x-x-x

"Damn, look at this place!" Jet commented as he stepped onto the building's roof. It probably had the most lovely view they've ever seen.

"Um, guys, I don't think we should be up here," Zuko said, keeping the door open as Aang and Sokka stepped out. "I mean, it's clearly marked that this area is off-limits..."

"We have a villa, we can do whatever the fuck we want." Jet assured him. "Leave something to keep the door open."

He sighed but still left a concrete block in the doorway. He approached the spot the other guys were in and looked down. Ember Island was truly beautiful at night. "Wow..."

"Hey, what're you doing over there, Sokka?" Aang asked upon seeing the Water Tribe boy in the corner.

"Just getting some firewhiskey," he beamed, returning with four shot glasses and a bottle.

"Oh! Good idea," Jet said as he passed everyone a glass. Sokka poured some whiskey for everyone as Jet began, "You know, I'd actually like to say a few words. For Aang and Toph, I hope-"

"I..." Sokka began dramatically, cutting Jet off. "I would like to say something."

Aang pat the Freedom Fighter's back and said, "Okay, go ahead, Sokka."

"I've prepared this for tonight. -ahem- 'SLAP-A-DOO! Ha ha. Do you remember how I said that on the day of the invasion? Ha, that was fun. Well, that had nothing to do with this, I just felt the need to say that. It's my favorite catchphrase.'" Aang chuckled, gesturing for Jet and Zuko to do the same. They did so reluctantly. "'I always considered myself to be a bit of a loner. I started thinking this when I was about eight-years-old. When my father left to fight in the war.'"

The three men looked down with sorrow, remembering how badly the war had messed up their lives; everyone's lives. Then Sokka said, "'Of course, I didn't let it get to me as bad as Zuko did. I mean, it's not like I cut my wrists while crying myself to sleep with Black Veil Brides blaring in the background-'" (A/N: I love BVB!)

Aang stopped Zuko from lunging at the man with his dao swords. "Hey. Hey, calm down. Caaaalm down- why the hell did you bring those with you?"

"'-but even still... this war still blows. So I remember how my one-man wolf pack suddenly grew through each adventure. I still remember when I met Aang," Sokka smiled at Aang, who returned the favor kindly. "when my sister and I were just canoeing... and then this giant iceberg appeared. My sister took my boomerang and cracked it open. Aang came out and the first thing he asked me-'"

"I asked Katara, actually.'"

"'-was, 'Will you go to a gay bar with me?'"

As Jet and Zuko began to snicker, Aang's eyebrow twitched. "Uh, Sokka, I think you've forgotten. I asked if you wanted to go penguin sledding with me."

"N...nope, I'm _pretty _sure you wanted to go to a gay bar."

"No, I'm sure you're mistaken."

"Oh, right, you wanted to take us to Yaoi-Con?"

"No, I," Aang watched as Jet and Zuko laughed a lot louder. He sighed in defeat. "Just... continue."

Sokka looked back at his paper and re-adjusted his reading glasses (no one was going to ask where he got them), "'When we brought him back to camp, I soon met my dear friend Zuko.'"

"Oh dear Agni."

"'Back then... he was a mean, angsty teenager with a ponytail. Now he's a mean, angsty teenager... with emo hair. He chased us all around the world in order to capture Aang. Of course, my sister had managed to delude herself into believing that he was after her, but he wasn't. I guess Zuko was gay for Aang.'"

Jet laughed at Zuko and Aang's discomfort. Sokka continued, "'He was an enemy for a while until we got to the western air temple, where he joined us. But let's back it up a bit, to when I met Jet. He doesn't remember me too well now, but I still recall our meeting like it was just yesterday. We had stumbled into a Fire Nation camp and he and his Freedom Fighters ended up saving us. Then he started hitting on my sister.'"

"Whoa, whoooa." Jet said, raising his hands defensively. "I DID NOT touch Katara. I hate her. She hates me. She scares me. She's mean."

The Water Tribe Boy ignored him. "'And once our wolf pack was complete... I knew I would no longer be alone in this world. I have Gay Bar Aang-'"

"You know what, just Aang will do."

"'-Emo Douche Zuko-'"

"I will kill you."

"'-and Player Jet.'"

"Haha! I like my title."

"'Together, we will make a pact." he reached into his bag and pulled out a knife, terrifying the other men. As Sokka began to cut his hand (earning grossed out calls), he murmured, "Blood brothers."

"Okay, Sokka. Sokka? Give me the knife, okay? We are not going to cut ourselves." Aang said, slowly taking the weapon from him.

"Who's emo now, Mr.-Cuts-Himself?" Zuko shouted.

"You okay?" Jet asked, patting his back. Sokka was sucking on his cut as he nodded numbly. When he stopped, Jet rose his glass to the air. "Well men? Let's make a toast, to a night we will never forget."

They smirked at each other.

* * *

Wow, this chapter... sucked. D: I'm sorry. Also, I felt really weird typing the part in which Sokka was cutting himself. Actually picturing it was... weird. Please excuse my sick, twisted mind.

Review?


	3. Cactus Juice? Oh no!

Yay, people like this fic! :D I'm really happy to say that this is probably the only fanfic I've written that I ever seemed to care about. My sister says that I update so slowly, but I think I'm moving along at an okay pace. It's a lot quicker than my old fanfics. I usually update The Aangover within about ten days; my old fics, I used to update monthly! :P

I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. If I did, Jet wouldn't have died and Katara wouldn't be so infuriating.

**The Aangover**

Chapter Three: Cactus Juice? Oh no!

They had some night. It was truly the best time they've ever had. It would've been even better, had they remembered their stupid antics.

Their villa was a mess. Clothes, furniture, and alcohol was all over the place. Everything was so badly damaged that the maids would be broken to tears. Everyone was asleep in the most inappropriate places. Momo, who they had brought with them for some strange reason, was chittering about. He stopped in front of Zuko, who was passed out near the door. He looked up as he watched a pretty lady leave the villa.

Suddenly, the prince began to moan. He sat up with a confused and tired expression before hissing quietly in pain as he grabbed a fistful of his hair. He paid no mind to the wreck surrounding him and instead made himself comfortable on the couch. Momo tilted his head and followed, jumping about on Zuko's chest. He felt just about ready to hurl.

In another corner of the room, Sokka was staggering about in the bar. He was unable to comprehend everything around him as he tried to head toward the restroom. Instead, he slipped and fell on his face, dragging down some cups and bottle with him. It made a loud noise, alarming Zuko. He looked left and right before slumping over again. Sokka stood back up, unharmed, and slowly approached the bathroom. He slipped his trousers down and began to urinate, only to be interrupted by a hiss.

Squinting, he turned to look toward the area responsible for the noise. He continued pissing on the floor as his mind finally registered the fact that there was a shirshu in the bathroom. It did not look happy. Scoffing, Sokka looked back at the toilet. "Stupid shirshu..." _Shirshu... shirshu... shirshu...? _Suddenly, he found his back against the wall. "Holy crap! Shirshu!"

Before the angry animal could paralyze him and make him a potential meal, he screamed and ran out of the room, making sure that the door was locked behind him. In his haste, he tripped over something with a loud oomph, awakening the Prince once more. Oh, did I say something? I mean someone.

Jet growled as he nursed his sore stomach. "What the fuck, Sokka?"

"Th-there's a shirshu! In the bathroom!" he cried as he covered his family jewels.

"Dude, dude, can you put some pants on?" the Freedom Fighter snarled before standing up. "What? Shirshu?"

"Yes! There is a freaking shirshu in that bathroom!"

"Okay, okay, _fine, _I'll look for your damned shirshu... Geez..." he grumbled to himself as he went to enter the restroom. After briefly poking his head in, he returned with a surprised yet strangely amused expression. "Holy shit, he's not kidding! There's a fucking shirshu in there!"

"...No, there's not." Zuko said skeptically.

"Yes! Yes, there is! Go look!" Sokka nodded fervently as he jumped frantically, his junk still out and open.

"Please find some pants. I think it's weird that I have to ask twice." Jet asked again. As the Water Tribe boy went off on a search for pants, ranting to himself about how unimportant they were in such a situation, Jet joined Zuko on the couch. He was currently grabbing his face, sighing. "Man, what the fuck happened here last night?"

"I... I don't know." he admitted.

As he watched his mouth move, Jet noticed something off about Zuko. "Hey, are... are you missing a tooth?"

"That's not funny, Jet." he scowled.

"I'm not kidding, man, you are missing a tooth." he insisted as he grabbed a mirror. He gave it to Zuko and laughed as he watched an expression of horror unfold on his face.

"Holy crap! I'm missing a tooth! It-it's gone!" he stared at Jet with eyes that seriously took away from his masculinity. "Katara. What am I gonna tell her?"

"Eh, calm down. Must've been some party last night. Right, Aang?" he looked around in search of their favorite bald-headed Avatar. "...Aang?"

"Where is he?"

"Uh... I guess he's in his room."

"Nope." Sokka chimed in, a blanket wrapped around his waist. "I just checked all the rooms. And I stumbled upon something I think you guys should see."

"All right." Jet reluctantly got to his feet. He finally got Zuko away from the mirror and they both followed Sokka. He led them to a closet.

"What, you think that Aang's hiding in the closet?" Jet snickered. He knocked on the door and said, "Hey, Aang, come out of the closet."

"Oh, aren't you nice." Zuko murmured.

"No, Aang's not in there." Sokka said, opening the door. Inside, they found a baby.

"Holy... why is there a baby in our villa?" Jet asked.

"That's what I was thinking!" he cried.

"Whose baby is that?" the Prince roared, making the baby cry. He leaned closer and started cooing random baby talk. "I'm sowwee, I'm sowwee. Pwease don't cwy."

"Don't put your face that close to it, you'll scare it even more." Jet laughed.

"Shut up. Okay? Shut up. Let's just... go get some breakfast and figure this thing out. Jet, get the baby." Zuko said.

"What? Why do we have to bring the baby?" he complained.

"There's a fucking shirshu in the bathroom! We're not leaving this baby here!"

"It's not ours!"

"I gotta agree with Zuko." Sokka nodded.

"Ugh, fine. Now will you please find some pants?"

x-x-x-x

Whether it was day or night, Qipao Palace was always lively. Many people were already lounging at the pool and beach. Our hungover protagonists had just finished eating breakfast. Jet and Sokka were still at the table while Zuko had gone off a while ago.

"Hey, why'd you bring your wolf helmet thing?" Jet asked upon seeing Sokka place it on the baby's head.

"Well, you never know when you might need it." he answered. "Hey, look." he put the baby's hand near its crotch and began making an obscene gesture. "Hahahaha! Not at the table, baby Fufu Cuddly Poops!"

"Oh man, stop." Jet snickered, slightly amused by the strange man's strange enjoyment. "What the hell's with the name?"

"It's a... long, tragic story..."

Zuko joined them at the table. "Okay, I looked around and asked everyone I saw, no one's seen Aang around here."

"Relax. He's fine. Seriously, he's a grown... one hundred and twelve year old man; he can take care of himself." putting a glass of juice in front of him, Jet said, "You have to calm down. Have some juice."

Suddenly, he vomited a little. Jet turned away with disgust as he murmured, "I can't have juice right now."

"Okay, let's try to figure this out." he pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. (A/N: Did they have pens back then? :x) "What was the first thing we did last night?"

"First we were on the roof having shots of firewhiskey." Sokka stated.

"Right, right. And then we had dinner at Spicy Salmon." Jet said, jotting down both things on the paper.

"Then we played craps at the Hard Rock and I think Aang was there..."

"That sounds right. No, he definitely was. I remember because there were a bunch of fangirls chasing him and Zuko."

Zuko groaned. "No one say F-A-N-G-I-R-L around me at the moment. I don't enjoy being the harlot of this show. ...Hey guys, I don't even remember going to dinner."

"Me neither. I've never been so fucking hungover in my life." Jet agreed.

"After dinner, I just completely blacked out. Hahahaha!" Sokka laughed, making the other two men wonder how he could laugh at such a situation.

"Okay, we have up until 10 PM, giving us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him."

"What is this?" Sokka murmured as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a tooth. "Whoa."

"Oh Agni, that is my tooth!" Zuko cried, snatching it from him. "What else is in your pockets?"

"No wait, that's a good idea! Everyone check your pockets." the Freedom Fighter said.

Zuko laid out some extra change onto the table while Jet came up empty. Sokka, however, said, "I have a valet ticket from Qipao. Looks like we got in at 5:15 AM."

"Ho-ly shit. We flew last night? Oh God, I hope Appa's okay." Jet covered his face with his hands, trying so desperately to remember anything.

The Water Tribe boy poked his wrist. "What's that?"

"Huh?" he looked down and saw a hospital bracelt. "Oh my God."

"Jet, you were in the hospital last night!" Zuko stated, though it was already obvious.

"Are you okay?" Sokka asked.

He stared at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. What the hell is going on?"

"Well, we have a lead now. We should get going to the hospital."

"Hey Zuko, look at this." Sokka said as he showed him the gesture he had made the baby do just moments ago.

Though Zuko was resisting the urge to snicker, he told him, "Stop, man, that's not okay."

x-x-x-x

"This is taking so long. Why don't we just call Appa with the bison whistle?" Zuko asked impatiently as they waited for the valet to bring Appa back.

"Aang probably has it, so there's really nothing we could do." Sokka explained.

He looked at the baby, who was wearing a warrior's helmet. "Uh... are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?"

"What? Of course. I've found tons of babies before."

His eyes widened. "You _found _a baby before?"

"Yeah. In the Southern Water Tribe, I found a lot of baby penguin-otters."

"That's not the same as a human being, Sokka."

As Jet approached them, Sokka said, "Listen, I don't think we should take the saddle with us. Mr. Bei Fong loves that thing and if anything happens to it..."

"We have bigger problems here. Aang could be in the hospital; he could be hurt." he told him.

Suddenly, a rhino came running toward them. They all yelled and stumbled back (or fell back, in Sokka's case) as the valet jumped off the beast. "Here's your rhino, sir."

"Ohhh Agni."

"Act cool, okay? Don't say a word." Jet hissed. He looked at the other two men. "Come on. Let's just go."

Sokka moved to get onto the rhino when suddenly, it kicked its hind leg backwards, striking the baby in the face. It began crying loudly as Zuko went to check if it was okay. "Oh my God. Oh God, is he all right?"

"Hey, did my helmet get a dent in it?"

"Your helmet is fine, asshole."

Upon getting onto the rhino, they plunged themselves into traffic. Sure, Ember Island was popular, but they didn't think it would be this heavily packed. "Come on!" Jet shouted. "You know, if we had Appa, we wouldn't have to deal with this shit."

"Holy crap. Where exactly _is _Appa?" Zuko pointed out.

"...Fuck. Aang is going to _kill _us."

"If he hasn't been killed first." he murmured, only to be punched in the head. "Ow. I probably deserved that."

"Yeah." Jet glared at him.

"Well, I'm sure he's okay." Sokka nodded. "Appa's strong enough to overcome anything! Get out of any situation-"

"Sandbenders."

"Shut up, Zuko."

x-x-x-x

When they got to the hospital, they saw a familiar face they hadn't expected to see again. Well, a familiar face to Zuko, anyway. "Song?"

"Oh. It's you, Zuko. Or shall I call you Junior?" she greeted. Jet and Sokka were snickering at his expense.

"No, no, Zuko is fine. Uhh... how, how have you been?"

"Fine." she answered sharply, turning to get some papers.

"I, uh... didn't know you worked at a hospital."

"I know my herbs and medicines. What do you want?"

"We just came to ask you a few questions about last night." Jet cut in. "You're the doctor that saw me, right?"

"Yes, I was. Your friends told me that you had found a garden of White Jade plants and continued to roll around in it." she stated. "Since you hadn't consumed any of it, it wasn't fatal. And you were treated, so you should be fine."

"A garden of White Jade plants? Great, do you know where one is?"

"No. White Jade plants aren't exactly seen often on Ember Island."

"Do you remember how many of us were here last night?" Zuko asked, though it was still awkward to talk to her.

"It was just you guys. There was definitely no baby. And I think... there was one more guy."

"That's our guy! Was he okay?"

"Yes, he was fine. He just seemed to be out of his mind; all of you were in fact." Song put some papers back into a file cabinet.

Suddenly, this message rang through the room: _"Miss Song, please report to Room Number 402. I repeat, Miss Song, please report to Room Number 402. A patient has consumed Macahoni berries and is in dire need of your help."_

"I'm sorry, I have to go now." she said as she turned to leave.

"Please, wait. We just need a couple more minutes of your time." Jet pleaded, holding up a small pouch of gold pieces.

She stared at him dubiously before taking the pouch. She peeked in and put it in her pocket before saying, "Fine. But I need to make this quick; Macahoni berries cause blindness, you know."

"Tell me about it." Zuko muttered.

She grabbed a file and opened it, reading, "Patient name: Jet. Arrival time: 2:45 AM. Just a minor rash, nothing a little Pakui berry juice couldn't help."

"May I take a look at that? I'm the Fire Lord and all, so I think I should be aware of all legal documents." Zuko said.

"Uh-huh, you kept saying that last night, but really, you're just a banished prince." she responded.

"Ouch." Sokka laughed.

"This is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. We found large amounts of Lophophora williamsii juice in your system. In laymen's terms, cactus juice."

"Oh, you're fucking kidding me." Jet groaned.

"Nope. I have to go now."

"Wait, Song, please. Is there anything else? Were we talking about anything or some place we were going?"

"Yes, actually. You kept talking about some wedding." she nodded.

"No shit. Our buddy Aang's getting married tomorrow."

"You know what, give me my gold pieces back." Jet demanded.

"Hey, wait. You were talking about a wedding you _just _came from. At the Best Little Chapel. You were all talking about how much fun you had." she put Jet's file down. "Look, I really hope this helps. I have to go now."

"Wait, Best Little Chapel. Do you know where that is?" Jet inquired, grabbing a pen and paper.

"Yes, it's at the corner of Get A Map And Fuck Off." he looked up at her blankly. She glared at Zuko harshly. "Or you can steal someone's ostrich horse." with that, she turned on her heel and finally left.

* * *

Bahhh, so awful. Lulz at Song's reunion with Zuko. To be honest, I don't really like her. Not sure why. In fact, ZuSong and Zutara are the only Zuko pairings I don't like. I don't think it's shocking that I hate Zutara; I tend to hate or dislike most of the heroines of many series. (i.e.: Rukia, Haruhi, etc.) But I'm not quite sure what I have against Song. :x

Review?


	4. Stay Away From The Dai Li

Fourth chapter, here we go. It sucks, cuz I wrote a lot and I found it to be quite funny, but then my computer stopped working. It froze or something and then I had to rewrite it. :( Hopefully it's still funny. :D

I don't own A:TLA. If I did, I'd make a deal with Tite Kubo to make a Bleach/Avatar crossover.

**The Aangover**

Chapter Four: Stay Away From The Dai Li

The rhino stomped away as the three gentlemen (plus one baby) made their way to Best Little Chapel. Luckily, Jin also worked at the hospital and was kind enough to give them directions. (Jet laughed. "Does every girl you broke up with work here?" Shut up." Zuko hissed.)

"Should I bring Fufu Cuddly Poops?" Sokka inquired as their animal halted.

"Nah, leave it with the rhino." Jet replied, waving his hand dismissively.

"Jet!"

"What? He'll be fine."

Zuko shook his head furiously. "Did you see what happened at the hotel? The rhino kicked him in the face! And on the way here, it purposely sped up, almost causing the baby to fall! I swear, this thing's got it out for the baby."

"I'm not sure if you're paranoid, or if you're really that damn crazy."

"Fufu Cuddly Poops just needs to spend some time with the rhino, that's all." Sokka nodded, placing the baby on the saddle.

Zuko sighed but continued to follow his two friends into the chapel. "What if they don't remember us?"

"Well we'll just have to find out, now, won't we?" Jet retorted. Up ahead, he spotted a man near the altar. He was probably around their age, judging by his fine facial hair. (A/N: Or should I say 'sexyfine'? [1]) "Uh, excuse me, sir? Hi."

He turned fully, wearing a warm grin. "Ohoho, it's you guys!"

He ran over and embraced Jet, saying, "Oh man, look at you! You miss me? You miss Haru?" the man known as Haru looked over at Sokka and cupped his cheeks before hugging him as well. "How are you, my friend? Oh, you're fucking crazy!"

He let go and looked at Zuko brightly, for whom he seemed to have stronger affections. (A/N: Zuru. I've never thought of it before. :P) "Let me tell you, I've met some sick people in my life, but this guy is the craziest, wildest, most insane son of a bitch I've ever met in my whole life!"

"My mom is awesome!"

Jet ignored Zuko's outburst and instead indicated toward him with his thumb. "This guy?"

"This guy right here! Oh, how are you, you fucking crazy motherfucker?" Haru leaped up and squeezed him, for Zuko was considerably taller than him. Stepping back, he asked, "What happened? No love for Haru? You don't hug me?"

"Oh no, it's not that. We're just…" Zuko scratched the back of his head. "having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."

"You do weddings here, right?" Jet asked.

"Psh, 'you do weddings here'. That's like asking me if my mustache is fine. Because it's not. It is _sexyfine. _And everyone knows that." he laughed, creeping the other men out. Haru soon realized that they really did have no idea what he was talking about. "Are you serious? You really don't remember anything?"

"Listen, we're just looking for our friend Aang. Do you remember him?"

"Yeah, small guy. Like a curly-tailed blue nose." he nodded.

"Yeah, that's him." Sokka said.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what happened here last night?" Zuko inquired.

"…You really don't remember anything?"

They all shook their heads no, Sokka a bit late. Haru approached the counter, looked through a couple of things, and presented a fancy, white, and bejeweled album. Before disappearing into the backroom, he said, "I'll give you some time to look at it."

Zuko gulped as he gripped the cover, bracing himself for whatever horror he saw inside the book. On the very first page was a picture of him dressed for a wedding, a beautiful woman next to him. She had long, shiny black hair in a bao-like style and pretty gold eyes. She was also dressed up, a small smile gracing her features.

"Congratulations, Zuko, you got married." Sokka said, patting his back.

"Nnnnngh. This can't be happening." he groaned.

On the next page, he looked so scarily, out-of-his-mind happy that no kind of medicine would be enough to remove the image from his mind. He was groping the woman, who did not look too happy. In fact, she was sneakily brandishing a knife from the inside of her sleeve. "Maybe that's how I lost my tooth?"

"No, man, she has a _knife. _She probably would've cut you up." Jet laughed. Zuko wailed and dropped the book, walking away. Jet and Sokka proceeded to look through it. The next picture featured Zuko piggybacking the girl, who was showing off all of her daggers and stilettos with a smirk. "Let me tell you, you look seriously happy here. This is one dangerous, hot chick."

"My life is over." Zuko hung his head.

"Ah, just relax. Come on, Katara's not gonna find out. I'll take care of that." Jet assured his pal.

Haru re-entered the room with someone following behind him, carrying some boxes. "Right here. Just set them on the counter. Come on."

"What is this?" the young Prince cried.

"The High Roller package. You guys ordered it. I've got tea sets, hats, and fancy scrolls, all with pictures of Zuko and Mai." he explained, setting out each object for them to see.

"Her name is Mai?" Jet questioned as Sokka put one of the hats on.

"Yes. Very beautiful. She wears baggy clothes a lot, but that's where she hides her secret weapons." Haru nodded.

"Knives?"

"Oh yeah, that too. I was talking about those huge boobs."

"Are you hitting on my friend's wife?" Sokka accused him.

"She is not my wife!" Zuko roared. "Well, not for long, anyway. Haru, do you do annulments?"

"Yes. It breaks my heart, but I do those." Haru said. "But I can't do it with just Zuko. I need the girl too."

"Problem is, we have no idea who or where she is." Jet sighed. "Wait, do you have paperwork for her?"

"Yeah, of course."

"So you must have her address!"

"Yes. Go get the papers." Haru said to his assistant.

x-x-x-x

The three walked out of the chapel, Zuko and Jet carrying the boxes. Sokka suddenly asked, "Do you guys think the saddle is okay? Even more, Appa?"

"I'm sure Aang has them. We'll get them back." Jet assured him as he put the boxes on the back of the rhino's saddle.

"Then I vote we torch the rhino and all this shit with it." Zuko said.

"Whoa whoa whoa. You wants us to _kill _this rhino?" Jet gaped. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm sorry. Apparently, I'm a guy that marries complete strangers. You know, this whole situation is completely. Fucked." he took the tea set, Sokka's hat, and the scrolls only to throw them onto the ground. "This tea set. This hat. This rhino, it's all evidence of a night that didn't happen! That is why, we are torching it!"

"Whoa, I'm a martial arts teacher, okay? I have a family! I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not going to kill a fucking rhino!" Jet shouted.

"Fine. I'll do it." Zuko said darkly.

"Can I help?" Sokka asked.

"Eh, considering that I'm a firebending master, I don't think I need help. You can watch though."

Suddenly, someone's phone started ringing; it was playing Barbie Girl by MxPx. Jet and Sokka, who both knew they didn't have that as their ringtone, didn't even check their pockets and instead looked at Zuko. He reluctantly grabbed his phone and yelled, "I like the band, okay?"

"Is it Aang?" Jet asked.

"Uh, no. Oh God, it's Katara." he said frantically.

Sokka blinked. "You have that as your ringtone and my sister doesn't even question it?"

Zuko ignored him and was about to answer the phone when his wheat-chewing friend stopped him. "Just let it go to voicemail."

"No, I have to answer! She's called twice already!"

"Can I sit in the front?" Sokka inquired out of nowhere.

"No, you have to hold the baby." Jet said as they each sat in their appropriate seats.

The Prince answered his phone. "Hey, sweetheart, how are you?"

"_There you are." _Katara replied. _"This is the third time I'm trying you."_

"I know, Kyoshi Island has really bad service. It being an… island and all…"

"_Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night?"_

"It was fun. Kind of quiet, but still, quite fun."

"_That sounds nice."_

"Yeah, I'm learning a lot about Avatar Kyoshi."

"Oh man, this baby is so cute." Sokka said, bouncing the baby up and down. "It's so squishy. Like jello."

"The fact that you're comparing it to jello is a bit disturbing to me." Jet stated.

"So hey, we're about to go for an Unagi ride. Yeah, like I said, they tamed it. How they taught it to stay calm, I'll never know." Zuko laughed weakly into his cell phone.

"_That sounds kind of dangerous."_

"What the hell?" Jet murmured upon seeing some ladies on the roof of the chapel and around their rhino. They were dressed in dark green armor with heavy makeup on their face. Wielding sharp fans and several other weapons, they slowly approached them.

"Get off the rhino!" one of them demanded.

"_What was that?" _Katara asked.

"Oh, they're trying to get the Unagi to show up. Hehe, it's being a stubborn little fellow…"

"_What does that have to do with a rhino?"_

"Tell us where he is right now!" another woman ordered harshly.

"Hey, easy, easy!" Jet barked. "I think we're looking for the same guy here, okay?"

Grunting furiously, one of them stuck their fan into the rhino's leg, causing it to howl in pain. The loud noise startled Fufu Cuddly Poops, making him cry loudly. _"What the fuck, Zuko? Is that a baby?"_

"What? Why would there be a baby here? It's an Unagi ride only for people of an appropriate age… You see, Sokka stubbed his toe on a boulder and it really hurt, so-"

"I don't cry like that!" the Water Tribe boy stated.

"Get off the rhino! Where is he?" the same aggressive female shouted.

"Sir, can you just throw some sort of sacrifice to the Unagi so we can get this started?" Zuko hissed, punching Jet's shoulder.

"I'm trying, but we're fucking blocked!" he snarled.

With a thick staff, one of the warriors thwacked the rhino's hind leg. Again, it cried in agony. "Hey!" Sokka yelled. "That is a living creature and there's a baby on board!"

"_Someone just said 'baby'!" _Katara growled.

"Th-that was Sokka! He's still upset about his toe so he's kind of calling him… self a baby…?"

"Why do you feel the need to emasculate me in your lies?"

Haru stepped onto the scene and shouted, "Hey, what're you doing? You're making trouble for my business! Get out of here!"

The women ignored him and one proceeded to draw several shuriken. "Get up! Tell us where he is!"

"Jet, they've got an awful lot of knives." Sokka said quickly.

"No _shit, _they have knives!"

"I gotta call you back, baii~" Zuko said in a rush before clamping his phone shut. "Go go go!"

Jet got the rhino moving, but as it started, it stepped on one of the warriors' feet. She cried out and accidentally threw the shuriken, striking Haru in the shoulder. He yelled and grabbed his wound.

"Oh shit, they hit Haru!" Zuko shouted.

"Fuck this shit!" Jet bellowed as their rhino hightailed out of that parking lot. Once they had gotten far away, they all started breathing again. "Oh man, that was some sick shit."

Fufu Cuddly Poops was crying loudly and to ease him, Sokka was rubbing his belly. Zuko poked at its arm and cooed, "It's okay, everything's going to be all right, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

"I don't think the baby knows."

He glared at Sokka. "I was talking to you guys."

"I… I have no idea." Jet responded, still trying to catch his breath. Suddenly, Barbie Girl started playing up again. He looked at Zuko and, with all the seriousness he could muster, "Change your fucking ringtone."

"Fine, I'll just change it to Anywhere But Here[2]." he murmured. Then he took one long look at his cell phone.

"Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail."

"Ha ha."

x-x-x-x

"What room is it?" Zuko asked Jet. They were walking around the apartment complex that Mai lived in.

"825." he answered.

Suddenly, they heard a woman's voice. She seemed to be on the phone. Mai stepped out of her room, saying, "Mom, he's fine. …Yeah, I know where he is. Geez, if you didn't want to trust me with Tom-Tom, you shouldn't have sent him with me. …" she looked at them. "Okay, I found him, he's with his brother-in-law."

They heard screaming on the other side of the phone; it was so loud that Mai had to pull the phone away from her ear. "Mom, calm down! …Oh, I didn't tell you? I got married. …At least he descends from royalty. …What do you want from me? I married an important man, what else can I do? …That was sarcasm. …Hold on, let me ask."

Covering the mouth part of the phone, she looked at Zuko and asked, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

His eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"No, Mom, he's fine. Besides, I haven't even slept with him yet. …Yeah, I'll be okay. Tom-Tom is fine too. …Look, I'll call you back." as she hung up, she muttered, "God…

"Hey guys. Thanks for bringing Tom-Tom over." she greeted, taking 'Fufu Cuddly Poops', now known as Tom-Tom, from Sokka. She smirked at Zuko. "Hello."

"Hi-" before he could finish his sentence, she was on his lips. It was a long kiss that managed to make him blush hard. Jet was snickering at him and Sokka was mourning the loss of Fufu Cuddly Poops. …Well, the name, anyway.

When she pulled away, Zuko was still in shock. She looked over at Jet and said, "What's going on? What happened to you guys?"

"We were kind of hoping you could explain that to us." he replied.

"What do you mean? I went out this morning to get you guys breakfast, but when I came back, you were gone." she said. When no one answered, she added, "Zuko, you're being so quiet. Coming from me, that's a lot."

"…I'm not being quiet." he stated.

"Come inside, I have to feed Tom-Tom." she offered, re-entering her apartment.

"You hear that?" Jet said to Sokka. "His name is Tom-Tom."

"…Psh. I didn't _really _think his name was Fufu Cuddly Poops."

"Really."

"No."

He exhaled and pat Sokka's back. "It's okay. I thought he looked like a Fufu Cuddly Poops too."

Inside, Mai was pouring some tea for the three of them. They were all sitting on the couch in silence. Finally, she asked, "What's up? You guys are acting weird."

"Look, it's Mai, right?" Jet said.

"Very funny, Jet."

"…You're not laughing."

"Yes, I am."

"…Right. Well, you know our friend Aang?"

"Yeah, he was the best man at our wedding." she nodded, setting the tea tray onto the table in front of them.

"He's missing, and we kind of can't find him… Have you seen him?"

"Hm. Maybe he's in the Spirit World."

As Zuko took a sip from the tea cup, he noticed something about Mai. Around her neck was the betrothal necklace he was going to give to Katara. He was so shocked that he spit out his tea, spraying his baby brother-in-law. Tom-Tom began crying loudly.

"Oh, it's okay, it's okay, he didn't mean it." Mai cooed. "Hold on, let me just clean him off."

As she exited the room, Sokka looked at Zuko quizzically. "What the hell do you have against babies?"

"Hold it fucking together, man. She is super hot, you should be proud of yourself." Jet roughly pat his friend's back.

"She's wearing my mother's necklace." he said, panicked.

"Shit. Okay, well…"

"He's okay." Mai announced, walking back into the room. She took a seat across from them. "He's just hungry."

Jet's view quickly lowered down to her breasts. "So… you gonna breastfeed him?"

"Excuse me?"

"-ahem-, about Aang, do you remember the last time you saw him?" he quickly covered.

"Hm… At the wedding." she said, giving Tom-Tom a bottle. Jet cursed in his head.

"Okay, good, do you know what time that was at?" he started writing it down.

"I think it was around 1, because I had to go and finish my shift."

"Oh, shift? What do you do?" Zuko asked. _I swear to Agni, if she works at the hospital with Jin and Song…_

"Don't be silly. You know I'm a stripper." she said casually. Sokka nearly choked on his tea.

"Right, you're… a stripper…" the Prince murmured.

"You know, you seem so classy, why would you be a stripper?" Jet inquired.

"Well, my mom has this crazy idea. She's making me go back and do everything she's always wanted to do in order to feel like she's young again[3]." Mai sighed. "But now, it's all behind me, because I married the Fire Lord."

"I'm… just a banished prince…"

Suddenly, the door behind Mai had been ripped off of its hinges. Several robed men busted into the room, wearing rock gloves. Tom-Tom started crying again from all of the panic and noise. She hugged him close to her chest to protect him from any kind of attack. "Reach for the sky, dirt bags! Now! Someone shut that baby up!"

Sokka, Jet, and Zuko did as they were told, putting their hands up while shouting incoherent words. When Jet took a closer look, he couldn't believe his eyes. "No way… Dai Li agents?"

* * *

[1] Sexyfine - from GanXingba and PsychoSilver's Avatar: The Abridged Series on YouTube. I own none of it. Though I do recommend you watch them. You could also find them on their website avatarabridged.

[2]Anywhere But Here - another song by MxPx. I don't listen to this band, so I don't know if it fits Zuko or not. If it doesn't, we could just pretend it's the Anywhere But Here by Mayday Parade or Sick Puppies… ^w^ (Btw, those are the only Anywhere But Heres that I know. Lol)

[3]Young Again - Come on. You didn't _really _think I'd make Mai a stripper out of her own free will, did you? xD

Bwahahaha, Dai Li agents. You knew it would show up somewhere in this fic. Just for fun, whoever guesses first who their boss(es) is(are) gets an e-cookie! :D BookWormie123, you don't count. I could just get you a cookie in real life, for I live with you. :P

Ranting time. I feel like I've made Haru and Mai INCREDIBLY OOC. It's bothering me. Please don't hurt me. And yeah, incase you haven't noticed, Haru's dialogue is written as though he has an accent. That's kind of how I pictured it in my head because I have The Hangover and some Fall Out Boy music playing in the background as I type. Eddie, the guy Haru is, has an accent, so you could've pictured him with a voice like that. However, if you recognized the sexyfine part from A:TAS, then hopefully, you've imagined him with his accent from that. ^w^

And Mai… I just feel weird about it, you know? Mai is dark, cool, mysterious, and edgy, and I have her playing a hyper, peppy stripper girl. 0_o I realize Katara may have been a better fit for Jade's role, but… I dislike Zutara greatly. :\ So yeah. But I think I can manage to make things funnier with Mai as Jade. Just picture the blackjack scene… Fufufufufu…

You know what, I just feel like this whole chapter sucks, you know? It's like, I'm not even trying anymore. When I started this, I was all, "Hell yeah! Aangover! W00T!" but now, whenever I update, the chapter's not even half-assed anymore. It's just completely assed. That's because I usually come up with these ideas the day before the chapter's updated or right on the fly. :( So please! I need reviews to motivate me! /Ranting time.

Review? :D


	5. You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

Bahh, sorry updating took so long. School's started, you know? Had to finish all my summer work while its days were quickly fleeting and now that we've entered the new school year, I've quickly developed a new fandom: Bones! :D Favorite characters: Sweets, Zack, Hodgins, Fisher, Vincent, Wendell... etc. xD Favorite ship: Kings of the Lab and anything crack. :DDD Anywho, sorry that I went off-topic and shared useless crap that you probably don't need to know.

Aww, no one guessed who the officers in charge of the Dai Li were! :( It's... just read. :)

Also, sorry to any Katara fans, for there's slight bashing in this chapter. I know that she's not a crazy bitch... usually... but it just fits the character and it helps this fic keep rolling. :)

I highly reccomend that you listen to You're Gonna Go Far, Kid (Dance, Fukker, Dance) by The Offspring while you read this. It'll be pretty awesome.

I don't own A:TLA.

**The Aangover**

Chapter Five: You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

"This is shit," Zuko murmured as he sat with Sokka. Jet was currently using a public telephone, probably to call Toph. All three of them were awkwardly handcuffed by rocks.

"After we take their fingerprints, we take them here so they can wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers." said a Dai Li agent that passed by. A group of children from the Fire Nation Middle School were following him, almost all of them giving the three men condescending stares. "Trust me, kids, you don't want to end up sitting here. We call this place 'Douche Bag Ville'."

The children laughed as their tour continued. Before his fellow schoolmates left, one child pulled out a camera phone and started to take a picture of Sokka. He, who was not in the mood, grouchily kicked it out of his hand. The kid looked at him with slight surprise before picking up his phone and following the agent. Sokka scoffed. "Geez. He's eight-years-old and he's got a phone. Who's he gonna call?"

"Ghostbusters." Jet interuppted him with a snicker.

Zuko glared at him. "I'm sorry, _why _in hell's name are you still laughing at the situation we're in? We've just been arrested for a crime we don't remember doing."

"Shut up, I'm on the phone." he retorted after realizing he had no other smart comebacks. Zuko just muttered a death wish under his breath.

_"Hello?" _Toph finally picked up.

"Hey, Toph! It's Jet."

_"Hey Jet. Where are you guys?"_

"We're at... the mudbaths... at the hotel."

_"That sounds fun." _she laughed as she remembered her last time covered in mud. _"Ty Lee and I are- Ty Lee, shut up! I get it, _always _is uncomfortable! Just-! Ty Lee and I are just getting some sun. Is Aang around?"_

"Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be?" Jet disregarded half of what Toph just said.

_"Well, I'm just wondering why it's you that's calling me instead of him."_

"Um... We made a deal. 'No talking to girlfriends or wives', so we're all calling each other's. Except, Zuko can't participate in the fun because he's dating a crazy psycho byotch."

"Jet!" Zuko growled.

_"Ha ha! Anyways, what's up?"_

"Oh, you are not going to believe this. We got comped an extra night at the hotel!"

_"...You did?"_

"Yeah, the suite is- It's ridiculous. Out of control."

_"But the wedding is tomorrow!"_

"We'll-we'll be there before it starts! Come on, you can trust me!"

_"..."_

"I can't see you, but I know you're making that face. The same face you made... when..."

_"When what, Jet? Say it."_

"WhenIhadatreecrashonyourhouse, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just..."

"Hey, you three." a Dai Li agent approached them. "Get up and follow me. You need to be interviewed."

"Uhh, bye Toph!"

_"Hey, wait-!"_

With that left undiscussed, Jet promptly hung up the phone, only able to guess the profanities spewing out of Toph's mouth.

x-x-x-x

The three men were sitting in an interviewing room, waiting for the cops who arrested them to come in. They discussed amongst themselves, "What the fuck did we do that got us arrested?"

Jet sighed. "I don't know, Zuko, just calm the fuck down."

"We are going to jail! What am I supposed to tell Katara?" Zuko was pacing.

"Why are you so sure we're going to jail, huh? What did you do?" Jet shot to his feet.

"Come on, guys, calm down..." Sokka soothed, attempting to be the mediator. He only got angry glares from the two.

"Sit down. Both of you." demanded a familiar female voice.

When Zuko looked up, he swore he felt something warm trickle down his right leg. "Oh, WHAT THE FUCK?"

Azula cleared her throat. "Watch your language, peasant."

"Peasant? I'm your brother!" he looked at Ozai. "And I'm your son!"

"I have no son!" he boomed.

"My brother died some two or three years ago." said Azula, who was nonchalantly examining her nails.

"That's when I was banished!"

"Funny coincidence, huh?" with a sigh of defeat, Zuko sat down. His 'sister' said, "Do you three know why you're here?"

"Cuz we got arrested?" Jet murmured.

"Don't be a smartass." she snapped.

"Better to be a smartass than a dumbass, I believe."

"Then you have a long way to go. But you three are here because you left your bison on the busiest street on Ember Island. With a note that said, 'Couldn't find a meter, but here's four silver pieces.' The bad news is, there was no Avatar with the bison." inching closer with an intimidating voice, she added, "and you're not leaving until we find him."

"Oh come on!" Jet cried. "We have to be back in the Earth Kingdom by tomorrow! Isn't there anything we can do?"

"...Well..."

"Azula, get a boyfriend on your own. I'm not about to let my daughter fornicate with a bunch of hooligans." Ozai murmured.

The three men swallowed the vomit before it could leave their throats. Azula glared at her father discreetly. "I wasn't going to say that."

"What is it then?"

She whispered something to him and the evil smirk on his face almost caused the three to cry out in terror. When Azula moved away, he said, "There is one thing."

x-x-x-x

"Lightning," Ozai started. "is very hard to control. You children are here to see a demonstration about how to use it properly."

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Zuko muttered fiercely. "I did not sign up for this."

"You kinda did." Jet replied in a low growl.

"You! Come over here." Ozai looked in their direction. Sokka started to walk over when he said, "No, not you, Skin and Bones. I was talking to Pretty Boy over there."

Zuko approached him when he finally sighed with frustration. "You? You're not pretty, Barbeque Face! That guy!" he pointed at Jet.

The man sighed, but stood next to the Fire Lord anyway. Ozai spoke in his 'I'm-Talking-To-Children' voice again. "Okay, kids, if you're close, you could just do... this!"

With a light jab to the shoulder, Jet's entire body was chock full of... shock. He convulsed violently before falling onto the ground, hopefully not flatlining.

"Jet!"

The kids laughed, apparently amused by their pain and misery. Ozai nodded. "It' very easy. Just point and aim. Would anyone like to try?"

A dozen tiny hands flew up into the air. He picked one out at random and it turned out to be a young girl with big brown eyes. "Just pick which guy you wanna fry, sweetie." (A/N: Writing about Ozai like this is so scary. OAo)

"Barbeque Face!" she beamed, causing her fellow classmates to burst into a fit of giggles.

Zuko scowled but stepped forward nonetheless. He looked back at Sokka and said, "If I die, tell Katara I-"

Before he could finish, the girl had jumped up and put her fingers to his forehead, sending a very powerful jolt of lightning. Zuko went down with a loud, unmanly yelp.

"Hahahaha! In the face! IN THE FACE!" Ozai whooped like a fanatic at a football game. Turning back to the students with a more collected expression, he said, "All right, one more! How about you, little man?"

Sokka's eye twitched upon seeing that the child Ozai had chosen was the same kid that tried to take a picture of him earlier. There was a moment when they gazed at each other at exactly the same time; he could tell. There was lightning in both of their eyes. No pun intended.

Without hesitation, the kid smirked and pointed his right index and middle finger and the blue light shot out, hitting Sokka in a place one would not want to be hit. He shook here and there, his face reading immense agony. Ozai simply cackled. "Dance, fucker, dance!"

After all that hell, Sokka remained strong; he did not fall. He stomped forward two steps and the children made a sound of panic. "Don't worry, kids, sometimes, all it takes is a little more juice!"

With that, Sokka was sent spiraling back into the place where everything was black and white at the same time. Where your body was on fire. Where everything felt amazing, but you couldn't tell if it was for the better or for the worst. No, he was not having an orgasm.

Finally, feeling like a fried fish, he fell, right on the table two students were sitting at. "Haha! Rub some dirt on it, dirtbag! Which should be easy, CUZ YOU'RE A DIRTBAG!" realizing that his oh-so exciting banter with a man who was probably in cardiac arrest was not amusing the kids, Ozai cleared his throat. "Okay, who wants to get their fingerprints taken?"

Their hands flung into the air as they all spouted simlutaneous "Me! Me! Me!"s. Ozai and Azula left, leading the children. Soon, the three pieces of bacon were alone.

"Zuko," Jet snarled weakly. "what the FUCK did you do to your family?"

"I was born."

* * *

For a chapter that took so long to update, this one really sucks. With you, my readers, as my witnesses, I say, "I will finish this fanfic! ...Maybe!"

Review? Plz? It shall inspire me.


	6. Author's Note

So yeah, you guys can just come and kill me now. Bloody Eagle, anyone? :x

As I've stated in the most recent chapter of The Aangover, my obsession has moved. To Bones. By Hart Hanson. (AND IT'S AWESOME~) And I don't recall if I've mentioned it, but I have ADHLAS. "Attention Deficit- Hey look! A squirrel!" - -" I swear, it's some sort of curse or something. Anywho, I think you can see what I'm saying...

This story has been discontinued.

Though, I'd hate to see it all end here. If you're interested in finishing it for me, PM me and it's yours. (First come, first serve!) However, I would like to make sure you're a... competent writer. Sorry if that sounds mean, but so many people write with text talk nowadays and I find it to be a disgrace. - -" So... yeah. Also, please don't hate Bones for stealing my heart. I just have a naturally small attention span. ...And please don't hate me for that.

Peace out, lovelies.

-iEaTNekkozzz


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